♥last day of 2006
Sunday, December 31, 2006
last day of the year..how do i feel?
i cant even remember how i felt on the last day of last year. perhaps a bit jittery and a bit of anticipation. afterall, im stepping into year 2 of jc life this year and the starting of a new school term spells trouble for uncompleted homework! haha that aside, cos it has already been a matter of the past.
2006
year of ups and downs.
year of disappointments.
year of maturation for the soul.
getting into a relationship and dealing with turmoils in the relationship hadn't been easy. though this journey, we seek to understand each other better but still, there isnt much improvement that i personally sense. we still have a gap, an invisible gap. and this gap is what that is missing in the r/s. its widening everyday. everyday we try to find whats missing. and everyday, we end up emptyhanded. what is wrong? i dont have the answer. because i really dont.
in terms of results, i know i have failed myself. i've never been able to prove my own self worth on a piece of paper. getting triple Fs for midyears was the breaking point in my life. i've never ever had such lousy grades in my entire life. i've let myself down, and i've let my parents down. to be overconfident and complacent is definite death. i just pray that my A's would be good.
friends? not many. but a few good ones are good enough. made a few new ones this year end. definitely hope it will blossom. one weakness of me is that i tend to place high expectations on my friends. i believe that what they say will be the truth from the bottom of their heart and certain events have proven me wrong. yes, perhaps most of what they say will be true. but still, to lie and to distort truth is in human's nature. who can believe each other totally? who still can be truthful to each other? we lie each day. we even lie to ourselves! so when such degradation of our morals occurs, how can the world ever be white and pure? who can face your friends and say that they are true? yes, they are true for as much as 99%. where did the 1% go? it goes down the drain. it would be too much to say that everyone is like this. but as far as i know, this is the truth.
i still have the paper from the thanksgiving event. it doesnt speak entirely of christian words, but of truth for the mind and soul. carol spoke of words of wisdoms which i greatly admired. she said, "the greatest deception is self deception". this phrase struck me, because like many others, i was guilty of such a deed. i've gone living my life in deception and deceit. not of others but myself. there are just so many things which i chose to block out and ignore. but when others point it out blankly in front me, i break down. because they speak of the truth. truth hurts, and it hurts me to know that someone knows my weakness and that makes me feel extremely vulnerable because i want to appear strong. i am stuborn right from the start and i will carry this characteristic of me till death. nobody wants their weakness to be pointed out. but if no one points it out for me, i'll probably be lying in breakwaters, waiting for death's arrival. right now, i realise that those who outrightly expose your weakness, is those who truly understands you and what kind of person you are deep down. and these are the exact people to be cherished in life.
failure and success is part and parcel of life. without failure, you wouldn't have the drive to be successful. with success, would you steer away from failure, or embrace failure as the road to success? i would choose the latter. its hard. but there is one above who will definitely reward us.
Pro 4:18 says, "but the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day". indeed, rain wont continue forever. the sun will still rise one day, and dry up all the rain, the sadness, and the unhappiness in the air, replacing it with boundless energy that refreshes the mind.
something i want to share with you all:
someone once said, the 3 enemies of personal peace is:
- regret over yesterday's mistakes
- anxiety over tomorrow's problems
- ingratitude for today's blessings
the more grateful you are, the more miracles you will see in your life!
enter 2007 strong! remember 2006's lessons. embrace it with love. neutralise it with regret. and take it with faith and hope.
Posted by faintheart at 2:51 AM
♥
Saturday, December 30, 2006
funeral for a friend.alas, all hopes and wishes have ended up dead.
you know its so tiring, and so hard.
goodbye.. my friend.
goodbye.
Posted by faintheart at 10:22 PM
♥
Friday, December 29, 2006
CHC's thanksgiving yesterday.i had great fun! thanks jas for inviting me and vera over. the programme was great. carol's words touched something deep inside of me, made it toss and turn and flip a thousand times, and sent a signal to my brain and my heart, telling me that its time i stop holding so tightly. seeing my friend's great love for God, i felt a certain wave of something. im not quite sure what it is because no words can describe that moment.
these people. even though we've yet got to know each other well, its as though i've known them for a long time! such friends are worth cherishing.. because you could feel their concern deep down and its nice to be treated that way. definitely looking forward to meeting them!
Posted by faintheart at 7:01 PM
♥so darn random
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
post XMAS.sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleeping!
today, slept till 2pm.
felt really shiok when i woke up!
its been a long time since i had a good night's sleep..
so, exhausting yourself out is a good remedy for sleep.
and sleeping helps you forget things..
things you dont wanna remember,
things you dont wanna think about..
my com's down.
using my bro's com.
seriously, i cant get used to his new LCD screen can..
its far too bright.
bad for my astigmatism.
going for job interview tmr.
its at sentosa..
the job sounds interesting.
and vera said i could see all the cute guys!
haha..
and i can just ignore the bimbos.
oh and barron's gonna go with me for the interview!
haha i have company!
hope everything goes well.
like its the first time im going for an interview proper.
i tried to do my nails.
it looks horrible
when can i actually do manicure which is nice!
damn shit!
some day when i feel like it,
and when i have the money,
i'll queue up to buy manicure stuff at daiso!
the queue is damn fucking long!
haha..
maybe i'll get bra to queue with me
cos i wanna buy rhinestones!
he's comin back tmr!
yay i have someone to countdown with!
haha cant wait!
the weather's nice to sleep in.
but too bad im still rather awake.
ironies of life..
who can farthom?
Posted by faintheart at 11:44 PM
♥
Monday, December 25, 2006
merry christmas!
to everyone i know, may all your sweet dreams come true!! wheeeee!!
went partying on xmas eve.. intended to go clubbing but too bad the guys were 'underaged'! its so weird la. they dont allow guys below 21 into clubs and we spent time looking for the stupid 'butter factory' to find out that they are having a private party. so we winded up drinking cocktails along clarke quay and had a damn fun time! and barron turns red sooooo quickly under the effect of alcohol.. im amazed by myself because i wasnt drunk and neither am i red. hmmm i can hold my liquor quite well huh! alcohol really kinda makes people less inhibited and more prone to opening up and feeling more at ease with each other. thus, i feel that drinking is more of a social bonding catalyst.
before meeting vera at her house to make up and make ourselves preeety, had lunch at suki with my girls! the usual gang of 5 consisting of me, liyi, sharon and xinying
ooohhh she loves me!
vera darling!
shulin vera me
brokeback moutain and watermelon? haha they look damn gay!
pretty shaina.. she looks so jap!
shulin! we took quite a few shots cos my hand was super unsteady. haha the one taken with her cam was more steady..
the two red butts of the night! shulin was still quite calm but barron totally lost it! see! too much alcohol is not good for ya.. esp alcohol mixed with watermelon. you'll get totally red like the watermelon! then barron was like damn high till almost drunk and keeps doing silly actions that make it soooo hilarious to laugh at!
all in all, i really enjoyed the night even though there wasnt any clubbing or whatsoever. i'll gladly go through it altogether without any blisters of cos! well, it was definitely the most memorable xmas eve i ever had! now the next one: new year's eve! and bra has gleefully 'booked' me.. yupp i wanna party again! haha anyway, thank god jas sent me the pics of her cell group.. they're really a lovable bunch of people esp the girls! so caramel sweet! and cute guys! jas you know who im referring to! haha. make me so paiseh now.. nevermind.. xmas is a season for ME! so i shouldnt be shy or anything. haha!
Posted by faintheart at 11:52 PM
♥thailand trip!
Saturday, December 23, 2006
well, no travelogue is ever complete without aerial views from the plane!
the flight was super boring with sub-standard shows so my cousin decided to make me laugh!
Day 2:
off to coral island with the jet boat (what do you call that?) and the ride there was super fun! we sat right in front of the boat and it was almost like a roller coaster ride with occasional bumps and sea spray.
we reached coral island unscathed and the place would've been really nice if not for the overcrowding of tourists and some really UNGLAM china tourists.
in the end, we had great fun and i think i spent around 1000 baht on water sports! took the parachute, jet ski and banana boat with my cousin! totally hella FUN! getting wet, and seeing my aunt fall off the banana boat! i dont have those nice pics though!
evidence that we both took the parachute!
off coral island and look what we've found? HARD ROCK CAFE! 
the caucasians there really know how to enjoy life. there was this pool there and most of them were lazy around reading books on the sun chair and it was really really cool..
After freshening up from the morning activities, we went out at night to this shopping centre to get in the mood for some fun!
at the entrance of this game where we have to walk through mazes and find our way out. it was nice because the special effects in the maze was nice with all the lights and stuff. we got out way too quickly cos we tried to spot where the doors were cos they were pushable. haha too short for much fun!
this stupid haunted house left me breathless and sweaty and scared out of my wits! its really damn scary! with real people acting like they're ghosts and scaring people at unexpected corners. we had to walk in a single file and i was the last one! so the 'ghosts' kept hounding after me and one even had a fake chainsaw and it kept chasing after me! so darn scary can! everyone was like screaming throughout the walk and it was horrendous!
anyway after the activites we had to assemble at this fountain and just so coincidental a little caucasian boy is playin in the fountains and it was really hilarious to see the boy running around and eventually getting his hair wet from the fountain water. he's so damn cute! he even didnt want to leave when his dad asked me to go! such an adorable boy!
Day 3:
went to the tiger zoo to watch some crocodile show and pig racing and some exhibits.
i love this deer! so cute!!
haha animal suction pipe =)
this poor pig. his legs were purple not because of recessive alleles or mutation. its because of ointments due to bites from the tiger. its supposed to be a 'happy family' cos they kinda put the pig and the young tiger together and the tiger suckled on the female pig's milk when it was young but now that the tiger has grown up, it bullies the pig and bites it. really sad. you could see from the pig's eyes that it was really shocked and sad. it was just so heartwrenching.
Day 4:
Dreamworld! the day that made my cousin jolt awake! she was practically dead the past few days cos we were doing nothing and just shopping and she hated shopping. haha. funny watching the way she 'chiongs' to the front. lol!
some snow place in dreamworld. it was freezing cold inside!
eskimos!
cute dogs at the animal show!
and here i am now, bloggin this trip after a week=)
Posted by faintheart at 3:28 PM
♥
its high time i do something to make this blog much more vibrant, like me! i've been going out slacking, and going out almost everyday! i swear my account balance has hit rock bottom and if not, the core of earth. been looking for a job online and sent my resume to one company only. hopefully everything goes well. its kinda boring to just do admin work so i've been trying to find better jobs which really pay well and thus can replenish the account balace and restore it to its former glory of $600.. as vera said, i wanna EARN the right to shop! yay!xmas eve tmr. boyfriend's in japan. im gonna go crazy partying with vera and bapok(barron!)! woohoo!
cant wait!
Posted by faintheart at 2:05 PM
♥so is the heart fonder?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
this lonely night,i wonder what you're doing.
are you warm under the blanket?
or are you freezing in the winter chill.
a day liken to a decade,
i wonder how long more i can take.
so long,
with pictures to remiscence.
i'll wait for you,
with a heart longing for the gone.
i miss you my baby.
Posted by faintheart at 12:14 AM
♥friends?
Saturday, December 16, 2006
random thought:we all need a reasonable number of friends.
we need a boyfriend to shower us with love.
we need girlfriends to gossip with us and spot any cute guys just for viewing pleasure.
we need friends who arent too close to enlighten us when we have any disputes with our boyfriend and girlfriends.
we need guy friends who are cute to 'flaunt' when we're out with them.
of cos we cant let them take too much of the limelight!
we need smart friends to help us solve the endless questions in that damn TYS!
we need pretty girlfriends to make ourselves feel inferior.
we need rich friends to help us settle the bill!
we need funny friends to make us laugh till our stomachs roll!
we need 'bus-guide' friends who knows every single bus service routes and location of bus stops so we dont have to worry about getting lost in teeny weeny singapore.
we need friends with dainty hands to create the best handicrafts for our birthdays/anniversaries/childrens' day/fathers' day/mothers' day/doomsday.. you get the idea
well the list goes on and on. different people make different type of friends! well, you just cant stick to the same person all year round right? change makes a friend a better one. so people! when you have quarrels with your close friends or that you just wanna break away from monotomy, you know what to do! >.<
Posted by faintheart at 5:36 PM
♥back from the land of traffic jams..
Thursday, December 14, 2006
ok i'm back from my trip to thailand! not really really excited about the trip but many interesting things happened over there! funny and gross included! i doubt that i would ever go to thailand again because its rather boring and i'd prefer to go to other new countries to explore nature at its best! i seem to take a liking to stuff like flowers and beaches.. im glad that i went to play those 'extreme' sports at coral island cos its super fun! haha. thanks to my cousin, she wanted to try almost all the sports available. the parachute, jet ski and banana boat. too bad i din come back with a tan. i dont know why either. its so hot over at thailand and yet i dont get a burn or even close to a tan. oh what the heck.. but pictures taken there are nice and my aunt took it with her camera. so waiting for my cousin to send it over before i can upload!so people have this misconception that thailand is a shopping paradise.. well its more like a bargaining 'paradise'. i really hate bargaining.. its so troublesome and sometimes i'd wish i'll just pay what they offer. but their price is really ridiculous can! 150 baht for a pair of sandles which will definitely not last.. anyway we bargain till it was 80 baht. thats around $3 plus.. haha.. not too bad la.. if i recall correctly vera also had the same pair or a similar pair.. haha.. and it didnt last long right vera? anyway im really sorry i din manage to buy any souvenirs cos i din get much to shop! MBK din have nice stuff though they had nail polish for $4 plus.. 3 for $4 plus la.. but my aunts like just walk away and i had no choice but to follow. haha. cheap thrills yeah? anyway shopping at the airport is more shiok. its all the high end brands and the stuff are just SUPER NICE! and they had this big shop full of cosmetics and perfumes and creams and whatsnot. a girl's haven! woo i got crazy testing the perfume there till i went goggy.. haha.. but the price there is quite high so i went back to singapore and got my perfume! compensate for not shopping in thailand.. its Gucci Envy Me 2. it states limited edition on the bottle. i wanted to get the britney spears Curious but i felt that Gucci was better, though more expensive. but my aunt had staff discount so it was 20% off! ahha.. and she bought white wine cos it was cheap. she's gonna give me one bottle! small one though but hey! white wine! cool!
heh gonna update pics soon.. so troublesome to resize them.. maybe i'll just do collages.. haha.. save time =)
Posted by faintheart at 9:21 PM
♥BYEEEEE
Sunday, December 10, 2006
hello world!going to bangkok for 5 days!
bless me with loads of shopping alright!
haha will try to get stuff for you girls!
ciao!
MUACKS~
Posted by faintheart at 10:49 AM
♥
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
prom would've been a blast if not for a sucky dress which i din really like on that day itself. i think i look damn weird. i dont really think i looked great. if i got a dress which is not black, i would have been happier. well its over. so heck! post prom activities were fun! with weiling! kbox till the morning! haha cool! that incident at MOS, its not worth mentioning. that fucking bouncer, he can go and kiss his own ass, if he can. what the HECK! nevermind. maybe i'm never meant to go clubbing, cos i din really want to go but eventually i went and when i reached i din wanna go but still friends asked me to go so yeah.. ok babeh its over! stop harping on it!gonna post pictures when i get down to resizing it
ciao!
Posted by faintheart at 9:02 PM
♥
Sunday, December 03, 2006
you know im a stuborn freak.you know im this petty person who has all the flaws in the world.
you know im just frigging pissed and i wont just admit that im wrong.
you know what i'm like and you know it well.